r/Divorce – Fulfilled my goal of being divorced by my 23rd…

A little over a year ago I made a couple posts about my husband and how in love with him I was and how I feared for his safety all the time with him being in the army. Oh how I didn’t know what was coming my way. My husband was a serial cheater, with me first discovering tinder/bumble/hinge on his phone the day after we got married at the courthouse. From then on it felt like once or twice or three times a month I’d find those apps on his phone, or some girls nude pictures in his phone and he’d deny it or something stupid and because of how much I loved him I let him keep treating me badly. Every time it would happen we’d get into a physical fight, with me attacking him first and him physically restraining me. I began sleeping less, waking up at almost the exact same time every night to check his phone while he was sleeping because it was the only time I felt like I’d find concrete answers and proof that he was betraying me. At one point one of the countless times I found something, I tried to hide my car keys from him as he’d been using my car for transportation, effectively stranding me in our apartment. He ripped the spare key out of my hands and in the process threw me on our bed, bruising my leg on the bed frame. I had no job, no friends, no money, and no essentially no car. A couple times in the last month we shared an apartment he’d climb into bed after I’d gone in and we’d have a quickie and then he’d roll over and not touch or speak to me and when I’d try to hold him he’d ask me to get off him, blaming it on the apartment being too hot. I told him I felt like I was a side chick and a roommate and he just said, “Yeah.” I used to sob and scream when I found evidence of his cheating and I’d storm out of the apartment, hoping and praying he’d follow me and want me to come home and apologize; that never happened, I’d just walk around our apartment complex and then come home to find him passed out in the bed. The night before I moved out I called the local suicide hotline, not because I was going to kill myself, I just needed someone to listen to me. The day I moved out he was crying and begging me to stay, holding me against him not letting me leave. When I began to scream at him to let me go he pinned me to our bed face down, tweaking my neck in the process and only let go when I tapped out, crying because I couldn’t breathe or move. I moved into a friends house that day. He texted and called constantly, putting on his best behavior and telling the husband of my friend how much he missed me and how much this was a wake up call. I eventually got a job at my dream workplace and my mom fronted me the money for first months rent at an apartment building near my work. We were pretty on and off at that point, with me taking him back when I missed him and letting him stay with me until I found tinder on his phone and then I’d scream and kick him out. The night I finally kicked him out he’d been drinking at his friends house after work. I told him he could only come over if he was going to help me pack his stuff. He came over and sat on the counter while I packed his things, not helping at all. While Lodi f his things into my car he took any and all medication he could find and set it up in a pile on the counter (as if you could overdose and kill yourself with 12 allergy pills and 5 ibuprofen). He tried to pour himself another drink which I tried to get out of his hands, in the struggle pouring it onto his tv that is brought to the front door. He began screaming at me that I’d have to buy him a new one with me saying, “oh I’m gonna buy a new tv for your dead body???” While we fought I’d thrown one of my crocs at him to which he screamed that I was an aggressive motherfucker and then he picked up the tv and smashed it on his knee. I left the room and laid on my bedroom floor while he screamed and cried from the kitchen about how sorry he was and that he didn’t know why he did these things. That was in October. More happened in the following months, with me being granted my divorce from him on February 6th. I now am doing great at my work which incredibly used to house the suicide hotline I called the night before I left and I’ve got a few close friends in my area. My ex husband moved out of the state and I’m slowly learning my triggers and how to properly deal with them in healthy ways. I’m seeing a therapist weekly and just trying to enjoy the life I never thought I’d have. If you would’ve told me a year ago that life could be so gentle and happy, and I’d be baking bread on the weekends and knitting with my cat on the couch with a movie on tv I never would’ve believed you. I don’t know what the point of this post is, I just felt like telling someone about how things can get better. One day I hope to find someone who can be kind and we can have a happy life without all the pain but until then I’m just going to focus on me. My birthday is next Friday and I’m so happy to enter my 23rd year as a divorced woman. Thank you for reading if you got this far <3

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