r/emotionalabuse – How do you know your Indian mom is…

I think I’m being verbally abused. This thought came to me last year when i retold an old trauma to an online friend of mine and they said it was abuse. The trauma i shared was my mother telling me to off myself after I opened up to her about my negative thought pattern. She said this because she says i don’t know what true negative thinking is as she acted up it when she was with her ex husband. I think a train counts as negative thinking.

There have been other comments made about my weight, why i can’t be perfect, and restricting me financially and relationship wise. I have no friends and no freedom because of this. I am used to years of verbal arguments, screaming matches and controlling behaviour. At one point in my younger years (till i was 7), i used to be physically abused too when she got angry. Not just by her but by my grandparents too. I’m kind of an unwanted child. My mom got married to someone my grandparents didn’t approve of and she divorced him a year later because he abused her physically and verbally. Till the age of 11, things were extremely messy. My bio dad would stalk and abuse her and her colleagues, especially the male ones. So i have grown up hearing horror stories from her past. I grew up thinking all men are liars and cheaters (also the words of my mom) and that i shouldn’t trust anyone in our family except her because she and i have no one. Now I’m emotionally attached to her. If she says something that hurts me, i come back to her and apologize because i feel guilty for overreacting. She never apologizes and blames me from things.

Ofcourse she’s not always like this. These instances are not often and my memory isn’t the best, so i don’t remember most of them. She has been an excellent provider but not the best mother figure.

Is this abuse? What are some signs of abuse among Indian parents?

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