I (25F) have been seeing this man (32) for 7 months. We talk daily and have dated a long time to the point where I practically live with him. We recently went on a vacation together where he asked me to be his girlfriend. Before Thanksgiving we had planned on him meeting my family. Feeling nervous and wanting to be explicit about our expectations we had a conversation about exclusivity and not pursuing other people (basically defining cheating between the two of us) and I stressed that if he felt he couldn’t be faithful in those ways that he needed to tell me before we moved forward. He assured me and said all the things he should say to make me feel like he wasnt seeking other women. A few days after we spent holiday time with each others families I discover that he had reserved a hotel to sleep with another woman the week before. I contacted her and she told me the whole story, that they had met 4 months ago and had talked and slept with each other on multiple occasions. (Shout out to this woman for giving me the truth ❤️) After confronting him he tells me he’s sorry for hurting me and for lying. But he doesn’t believe that monogamy works anymore, and thinks that his sleeping with other women would be a net positive for a relationship. Of course ONLY for him. He goes on to mention The Rational Man book and that the “competition anxiety” of knowing he can and WILL sleep with other women would help his significant other from getting too comfortable and thus causing strife in other ways. What he is describing sounds like emotional abuse and manipulation. Being on the inside of the situation makes things hard to see clearly. This is my first time being cheated on and I have no clue how to rebut this rationalization of his. SOS..
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Source:r/relationship_advice – Cheater, My First Rodeo
Discovered on: 2022-11-28 23:39:16